Gone a week. still out there somewhere.

So. It's been a week since I last posted anything here. As you might have guessed, I've been busy. And no, she still is not home. Might be in Minnesota, might not be. Hard to tell. In the past week I've known every emotion that a man can, I think. I've grieved, I've raged, I've cried, I've even laughed, though not normally very sincerely. I've come to the conclusion that not only does my daughter really dislike us, she isn't coming home. At least she isn't planning to. It's painful to say that. I love her so much. And I've given my entire being to making sure she is the best person she can possibly be. To say that I've failed is an understatement. And please no tell me how I haven't failed, that this isn't my fault. It is. At least by not recognizing the signs that she was having trouble. I've got a little bit of a timeline worked out for how things went down. Of course it is pure fiction, but it is the only thing that makes sense to me. The only thing that I can believe and still keep my sanity.

As near as I've worked out. She didn't go to bed planning to leave us. She could not have been that upset with us and still had as much fun as she was having. She did know that David was leaving. The deadline for him getting kicked out was well known to both of them it seems. Now if he told her that he was moving to California when that happened. That would bum her out big time. Maybe he told her while we were gone. That would explain the severe mood swings. Maybe they were fighting about it. Now they were on the phone all night the night before they ran. Why. If they knew they were leaving at that point they should have gotten some sleep. My guess is that during those conversations they decided she would go with. They didn't have much time to really plan as otherwise they would have gotten the stuff packed up ahead of time. And they might not have tried taking two cars. That's just silly.

So that is how I believe it went down. If I thought anything different I would go crazy wondering what kind of sick person I raised who could just lie that well and in such a hurtful manner. I can't believe that about my kid. I have to believe that she did this out of some sort of love for him.

We all do stupid things for love. I've done my share. Maybe someday when she comes back, I'll tell them to her. I'll never tell anyone else though. Everyone needs a few secrets.

I have forgiven them both. Life is too short to worry about such things. She just needs to come home and all of that other stuff will be fine. It might even work out the way she wants it to. I don't care if she sees David now. Seriously. The cat's kinda out of the bag on that one. She can't unsleep with him... and if someone is that much in love that they are willing to give up everything for someone, then maybe they should be given a chance to make things work. But. She needs to do that here. California is no place for someone with no high school education. When she graduates, she can do what ever she wants. Go to college, not go to college, get a job, move in with him, whatever. Makes no difference to me. I want her happy, I want to be in her life, and I want her to have a chance at a future. She's doing her best to make none of that happen.

My wife is taking more time to move through the grieving process. I had to really work hard to get her out of bed this morning. She still bounces back and forth between tears and anger. But that's normal. She's been hurt more than she's ever been hurt before in her life. It will take a long time to get over that.

Steph, if you ever read this, you will know that I have never, ever used your name on here before. But, you've gained sort of a national notoriety lately so, I don't feel too bad about this. All the things I've told about, but left off your name so that a future google search didn't bring them up, well they pale in comparison to this. But, Steph, I want you to know just how many people care about you enough to help you try to come home. There are almost 500 people in the Help Bring Steph Home Facebook group. Including many in the places you've been running to and through. We've had almost 1200 visits to http://helpbringstephhome.com to look at your photos and see if they can help find you or to check to see if you've been found. That is a lot of people for one missing girl. To this point, it hasn't worked. No one has seen you. But they will. I don't doubt that for a minute. They will because they care about you and want you safe. Just like I do. Just like your mother does. We all love you Steph. We just want what is best for you. Be home soon sweetie. I love you.

Later