Moved from blogger

So. I might be coming back. Not today, but someday soon I think. Just too bored at night to not do something. And come on. I miss you. But there is a caveat. I'm not here. Not on blogger. I'm on my own site now, I'm hosting it at: http://www.yellowswanphoto.com/aroks-daily-thoughts.

You should go there now. The photo blog moved there too... Main page in this case.

Later

hanging it up...

I've been at this for almost five years now. In internet time, that means that I am damn near a dinosaur. I've never gotten many readers. Mainly family and passers by, but that didn't matter that much to me. I did this more for me than for anyone else. As you know, I've never really censored myself on here. I talked about anything and everything. Much to the dismay of my family. And while I've always been an attention whore, they most certainly are not. Recently, my family achieved a bit more notoriety than I had ever hoped to receive. It has gotten me to thinking that maybe I don't want to be out in the spotlight all the time. Maybe I don't want to have all eyes on me and mine.

My daughter is back home safe and seems little worse for wear from her travels. She will be entering school tomorrow. I should get to meet the boyfriend this weekend. I'm not sure that the entire world really needs to know about this. I'm not sure that the parties involved would wish it so. So. I'm hanging it up. I'll come back every now and then. Just to see if it is still here. But I doubt I'll be posting.

To those readers that have actually stood by me through the last five years, I thank you. To the passers by, I'm sorry you couldn't stay and that you didn't get here sooner. I think I'm going to be working on a few things. I'll still be writing, I just think that I'll be doing it a bit more privately. I will still be keeping up the photoblog. I pay money to keep that one up and I don't need to put as much of myself out there on a daily basis. Good luck everyone. I love you all. And until I talk to you again...

Later.

Gone a week. still out there somewhere.

So. It's been a week since I last posted anything here. As you might have guessed, I've been busy. And no, she still is not home. Might be in Minnesota, might not be. Hard to tell. In the past week I've known every emotion that a man can, I think. I've grieved, I've raged, I've cried, I've even laughed, though not normally very sincerely. I've come to the conclusion that not only does my daughter really dislike us, she isn't coming home. At least she isn't planning to. It's painful to say that. I love her so much. And I've given my entire being to making sure she is the best person she can possibly be. To say that I've failed is an understatement. And please no tell me how I haven't failed, that this isn't my fault. It is. At least by not recognizing the signs that she was having trouble. I've got a little bit of a timeline worked out for how things went down. Of course it is pure fiction, but it is the only thing that makes sense to me. The only thing that I can believe and still keep my sanity.

As near as I've worked out. She didn't go to bed planning to leave us. She could not have been that upset with us and still had as much fun as she was having. She did know that David was leaving. The deadline for him getting kicked out was well known to both of them it seems. Now if he told her that he was moving to California when that happened. That would bum her out big time. Maybe he told her while we were gone. That would explain the severe mood swings. Maybe they were fighting about it. Now they were on the phone all night the night before they ran. Why. If they knew they were leaving at that point they should have gotten some sleep. My guess is that during those conversations they decided she would go with. They didn't have much time to really plan as otherwise they would have gotten the stuff packed up ahead of time. And they might not have tried taking two cars. That's just silly.

So that is how I believe it went down. If I thought anything different I would go crazy wondering what kind of sick person I raised who could just lie that well and in such a hurtful manner. I can't believe that about my kid. I have to believe that she did this out of some sort of love for him.

We all do stupid things for love. I've done my share. Maybe someday when she comes back, I'll tell them to her. I'll never tell anyone else though. Everyone needs a few secrets.

I have forgiven them both. Life is too short to worry about such things. She just needs to come home and all of that other stuff will be fine. It might even work out the way she wants it to. I don't care if she sees David now. Seriously. The cat's kinda out of the bag on that one. She can't unsleep with him... and if someone is that much in love that they are willing to give up everything for someone, then maybe they should be given a chance to make things work. But. She needs to do that here. California is no place for someone with no high school education. When she graduates, she can do what ever she wants. Go to college, not go to college, get a job, move in with him, whatever. Makes no difference to me. I want her happy, I want to be in her life, and I want her to have a chance at a future. She's doing her best to make none of that happen.

My wife is taking more time to move through the grieving process. I had to really work hard to get her out of bed this morning. She still bounces back and forth between tears and anger. But that's normal. She's been hurt more than she's ever been hurt before in her life. It will take a long time to get over that.

Steph, if you ever read this, you will know that I have never, ever used your name on here before. But, you've gained sort of a national notoriety lately so, I don't feel too bad about this. All the things I've told about, but left off your name so that a future google search didn't bring them up, well they pale in comparison to this. But, Steph, I want you to know just how many people care about you enough to help you try to come home. There are almost 500 people in the Help Bring Steph Home Facebook group. Including many in the places you've been running to and through. We've had almost 1200 visits to http://helpbringstephhome.com to look at your photos and see if they can help find you or to check to see if you've been found. That is a lot of people for one missing girl. To this point, it hasn't worked. No one has seen you. But they will. I don't doubt that for a minute. They will because they care about you and want you safe. Just like I do. Just like your mother does. We all love you Steph. We just want what is best for you. Be home soon sweetie. I love you.

Later

My daughter has run away

Today, I got home to find the house empty except my wife. We had been trying to call my daughter all day, but received no response. Up until my wife said she wasn't home, I was not too worried as she had done this before. She often turns her phone off when she thinks she will be getting in trouble for something.

After I got home, my wife noticed that her bedroom door was locked, I got worried. I hoped it was a mistake as there were no known keys to that door, but knew I needed to get in there anyway. What happened if she was hurt, injured or dead in there and I didn't try. So using a technique that my grandfather taught me when I was a kid, I popped the door open using a screwdriver. It was empty. She left her bed and some of her possessions, but not much else. Her computer was gone. Her VCR was gone (?) not her DVD player or her tv. She took most of her clothes. She took her books. We got online and after some trouble with the site saw that she had cleaned out her bank account. $300. Not much to get away with, but I later found out that she took my copy of Rock Band 2 probably the only game we had she thought she could sell and she took all the movies she thought were hers. (few actually were).

Shortly after we found that she was gone, we started calling all the friends that she had been texting. We knew who they were because of the call logs on the AT&T account. We got a call back from a worried mother whose 21 year old son had packed up and left too. The same person she had talked to all night last night. The same person I'm guessing she meant to run away with when we told her we loved her this morning when she left for work. I called the police shortly after. They took her information and took the number of the worried mother, but ther has been no progress since.

To say that I am worried sick is an understatement. Right now I don't even care about the stuff she took from me. I just want my baby back. I broke into her facebook page tonight. I put a call out to all her facebook friends to help me find her. The ones she had been texting with I had already called.

I don't know what to do. After breaking into her facebook page I saw that she really didn't like me. At all. I have to say I am surprised. I voluntarily gave her everything I had. though she was adopted, I could not have loved her more if she were my own flesh and blood. In every respect, but the one I consider to be the least important she was my daughter and I always treated her as such. I might have been too strict. But like many parents, I was unprepared for the shock of my teenager failing to live up to the standards that society sets. Standards like a high school diploma. Now I don't know how she'll get that. I always explained everything I did to her. I thought I had gotten through to her. I saw that she just thought I went "fucked over."

My wife and I are giving up hope of seeing her tonight. You can get a long way with two people and a couple thousand tops before you need to make any decisions. She has her phone shut off and who knows if it is even with her anymore. I hope she does. I have sent her an email to see if she reads it. I hope she does. I told her I loved her and how much trouble her boyfriend was going to be in due to his age and the fact that she was a minor. I told her that I loved her. I told her her mother was crying all night. I told her I loved her again. I don't expect her to ever read it. I try not to give up hope, but it is hard. I'm not normally a pessimist, but I know how very stubborn she is. And how proud. I hope this boy doesn't hurt her, but when a boy tells you: "you know I would never do anything to hurt you," often he has plans to do just that. Or to at least do something that he feels on some level might. I'm sure he made her feel special. Being in love is a great feeling. I hope he doesn't do anything to make her fear that feeling in the future.

I'm not sure how much sleep I'll get tonight. I have yet to even eat supper. I'm sure I won't. I'm afraid I will be calling in tomorrow. I don't know if they'll let me use sick time, but hopefully they won't make me use my last vacation day. This is certainly no vacation. I'm afraid, worried, and just plain confused. And I'm rambling.

I'll stop know to the blog, but not in my head. I just keep wondering what I could have done differently to let her know that we loved her. We told her all the time, but it obviously wasn't enough. I hope when she comes home, if she comes come, that it will be very soon.

Later

I'm home!

I'm home and though I miss Oregon already, for once it is good to be back. It had a few rough spots not the least of which was one female ending and one starting her period... sorry, but not always so enjoyable to be the only guy in that situation. Gotta try to plan around that next time. But it wasn't just that, I loved it out there, and can easily see me moving there once the kid is out of college (provided they have any jobs). I loved the ocean, I loved the mountains. I even liked the people for the most part. But there is something about coming home to a good job and a good family that I was actually looking forward to for a change. I hope to have a recap of all my final thoughts written for tomorrow, but for right now I'm just happy to be home with all the things I bought in one piece. Plus it is late and I need to try to sleep now that I'm used to two time zones west of here so I can go to work in the morning.

Later.

I almost forgot!

I got everything ready for vacation. I was getting everything packed in my head, all the list of things that I needed to get done in order when I realized that I never made the website for this year's trip. I had gotten everything ready to post to the website from the road, but there I was. No site to post to.

So this one is not as complex as in the past, I've decided that the format I had been using was time consuming to build each night, slow to load and though it was pretty, it was a bit dated in functionality. So I just installed another Wordpress blog to my eburkedesign site and there we go: www.eburkedesign.com/AGW4/

I'm pretty sure all the words and everything will be going there this time, we'll have to see how it goes as far as the typing and the connectivity and if I'm using my phone or not.

So I will see you all in September as I return August 31. By the way, I may have fatally screwed up my photoblog, it may or may not have lost everything. I'm a bit upset by that, but will deal with it when I get back.

Later!

nothing

I've got nothing tonight. I did nothing. I thought nothing. I just sort of sat here all night long. I wish I could say that I was getting ready for vacation. But I wasn't. Well, actually that isn't true. I spent a good potion of the night downloading maps for a navigation app for my phone for those ties when I don't have coverage. So that was getting ready. I also changed a doorknob in my kitchen so my house sitter wouldn't accidentally lock herself in the garage. Shouldn't be possible now. I guess those are technically getting ready, but it doesn't feel like it. Feels like I just sort of sat around all night.

And now to bed. Yep, sometimes I'm an exciting guy.

Later

My thoughts on Favre

Ok. I better get this over with. I've been taunted today. I've had people gleefully ask me what I think of the news of Favre becoming a Viking. I've had people who admitted to not being a football fan in the morning go off the deep end and spend $70 on a jersey before the day was done. And through all of that. I just smiled. I smiled and I thought to myself, we'll see who gets the last laugh.

I love Favre, it's just the Favre of 10 years ago. The one who continually had us in almost every game. The wild, reckless gunslinger who took chances that most often paid off. Today's wishy-washy Favre, I have no respect for. I was on his side last year. When he said that he just wanted to play. I understood that and thought that the way the Packers let him go was disgraceful. I was angry. I bought the Jets jersey. I wore it more than my own Packer one. I won't be buying a Viking one.

So here are my thoughts on the manner. I think the Vikings made a huge mistake. Here's why:

1) I think that their young "quarterbacks of the future" have just been thrown under the bus for a player that last saw his best days about 5 years behind him. I think that based on the last couple years, Favre has shown that he can't last a full season, even with a training camp under his belt. Last year the "Ironman" showed that without a proper training camp he could barely limp through the second half of the season. This year he has even less time to physically prepare himself. Hopefully Childress will have the guts that Mangini didn't have to bench him when he fades.

2) He is notoriously uncontrollable. Favre does what Favre wants. There hasn't been a coach that didn't just hang on for the ride since Holmgren. Ray Rhodes was fired due to lack of discipline, Mike Sherman was fired due, well he was fired due to being inept, but he also let Favre just sort of do his thing, McCarthy, for all that I dislike him at least had the balls to say no to Favre. Mangini let him stay in when he was injured and lost the playoffs and his job for it. Now will Childress be able to control the spoiled child that is Favre? If not he will be out too.

Now in addition to these reasons the Vikings made a mistake you can add the reason I was smiling all day. The Packers have suffered for 15 years from Favre's uncanny ability to throw the ball to the other team just when the biggest games are on the line. And it has been hard to stand by and defend him by telling about the touchdowns and the fact that he could do something great on any play. But as the years went on this tendency has grown. In addition to his massive fade in his last game with the Packers was the massive interception he threw to cost us a shot at the Super Bowl. Last year he ended the year with 22 interceptions. Eight of them coming in the last three games. In fact, aside from his one good year in 2007, he hasn't had a year under 20 INTs since 2004. Now if that wasn't enough to make you smile add into the equation that we had only three players voted into the Pro Bowl last year. All three were defensive backs who were voted in mainly on the basis of their interceptions (We had 22 INT's as well, tied for third in the NFL, and six of those went for TDs which was first in the NFL). With all three coming back and a revamped defense in front of them, this is an exciting time for the Packer fans to watch their defense.

So my thoughts on the Favre thing. It could very well be the best thing the Vikings could do to the other NFC North teams. Bring in a circus that will help their defenses shine. All in all, I'm happy with it. They are meant for each other.

Later

things that make me happy and things that make me not so much

Good news on my brother. He may have lost his fingernails, but according to the doctor he didn't really lose anything else other than a lost of skin. In fact he pretty much skinned his fingertips, mangled one just a bit, but eventually he should be pretty much back to normal. I can't tell you how happy this makes me as, though I was calm and collected outside during the whole day, I was churning inside. I can't tell you how awful it was to think you were seeing your little brother possibly lose not only the fingers, but also the ability to do his favorite activities. There is no way to pull back a bow without your first two fingers, and fishing will be extremely difficult for a while too. Now, it will be out for a little while, but it won't be out forever. That makes me very happy.

You know what else makes me happy? Tony Bennett. Yes this is sort of one of those random conversations we have. I saw a documentary/performance show tonight and I have been listening to the three cds I have ever since. It is very much the happy making.

Know what makes me not happy though... Blossom end rot on my tomatoes. I've pulled off about 5 or so and everyone was ruined to it. I hope to get some of them to come through ok, but since I';ll be gone while they are ripening, it may not be possible. It sucks to put all that work into a garden only to have them ruined by something like this. Luckily there are a lot of plants that look like they will bear a lot of fruit so maybe if I can get a some that don't have it I can still make some sauce. Hopefully. This is very much the crazy making.

Later

a really bad weekend

This wasn't a good weekend. It started fine. But after a few hours taking my brother to the ER and a rainstorm that brought 12+ hours of hard rain, it turned sou pretty quick. It now looks like my brother may have lost the tips of two of his fingers on his right hand as opposed to just breaking and mangling them. He was telling me about the fingernails and tips of his fingers he found in his work gloves today so it may be worse than he originally was told by the ER doctors. I guess I'll know more when they call me after he goes to the doctor tomorrow.

And then the rain. It was humid all weekend and between that and the rain, I had to dry everything in the camper. I planned on bringing the camper home to dry. Check that. I planned on leaving it at my Grandma's but due to the wet, planned to bring it home. But it was sunny and windy by the time we got to my mother-in-laws so I set it up got everything dried up and left it there. The first weekend I'm home after vacation. I won't be home. I'll be at the cabin so it makes little sense to bring it all the way back here just to take it back up again. Speaking of which... Friday I leave. Yay!

Ok I'm beat. I slept like crap all weekend and now need to recover so I can go to work.

Later